I have to face it. It's not that I don't want to look at it. I just need to understand it completely. I'm not the ME that I want to be.
The Me that I would want to be is a confident, well-kept professional. He walks with a swagger and a certain bravado. He knows how to move and doesn't keep that a secret at all. He's disciplined and passionate in what he does. Sex, to him, isn't something daunting that can break his emotions to whatever oblivion that could exist to him. Artist. Charismatic. Beautiful. In short, he's somewhat of a... superhuman. Something more than mediocre
Would that be too much to ask for? A little confidence that would border onto cockiness and arrogance? A fit body and a well-kept appearance to match what I feel inside? A sureness to my sexuality?
It is - I believe - up to me to get that. I also believe that it will only come to me if I earn it. But what can I do, now? I'm still behind in other stuff, I can't ignore those too. With everything happening, will I ever live the life I know I'm meant to live?
i-li-za-rov (i lē zä ruv) n.
>> The surgery that Vincent undergoes to increase his height in the movie Gattaca. It's named after the Russian doctor who invented it 40 years ago to treat dwarfism. This painful operation adds length by allowing new bone to grow in the gap left by gradually seperating ends of the broken bone. The patient's shinbones are cut in two, a brace is applied and metal pins would pull apart the bones a millimetre each day. Risks include feet permanently turned at odd angles, twisted legs, and weakened bones that break again and again.
>> What I did in June of 2005. I tell people it's either a rock climbing and/or car accident.
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