I have had a hard time sleeping lately. Last night I asked myself a question...
"Am I a virgin?" Heh. Funny, that sounds like a question I should already know. It's all relative, in my case. I did have sexual encounters with around two guys but I don't believe I gave any of the emotional aspect of losing your virginity to either of them. I feel that if I had sex in the near future, I would have a hard time doing it because of the emotions that I would have.
So am I still a virgin? I feel different from people who didn't have sex but I feel that people who have had sex are so entirely different from me. So am I somewhere in the middle? Is that even possible?
Sex scares me, quite frankly. Does that make me a virgin? I can fantasize of people having sex but to actually put me into that fantasy? To actually imagine someone touching me? That's just unimaginable to me. It's not that I don't think that I could be a sexual being. I feel that the sexual part of me is somewhere hidden inside, where the ME-er me resides. Maybe if I reach that point where I am who I really am, I would find out.
i-li-za-rov (i lē zä ruv) n.
>> The surgery that Vincent undergoes to increase his height in the movie Gattaca. It's named after the Russian doctor who invented it 40 years ago to treat dwarfism. This painful operation adds length by allowing new bone to grow in the gap left by gradually seperating ends of the broken bone. The patient's shinbones are cut in two, a brace is applied and metal pins would pull apart the bones a millimetre each day. Risks include feet permanently turned at odd angles, twisted legs, and weakened bones that break again and again.
>> What I did in June of 2005. I tell people it's either a rock climbing and/or car accident.
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