Crawling
Originally uploaded by Rev jesse custer.I must say a word about fear. It is life’s only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary… So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.
Piscine Molitor Patel, Life of Pi
Here is my fear:
He’s an old middle-aged Asian man with no meaningful relationship, still imaging a younger self, spending the night a way with beautiful men – men like the ones he playfully flirts with, glad with any polite half-meant affection that they may or may not return. He comes home from whatever unfulfilling job he has accepted to get enough money. He goes straight to his dark bedroom and spends the night in front of the dim glow of a monitor filled with moving pictures of beautiful flesh upon flesh. And from there he lives his routine life the way he always has, fantasizing (of lovers that never came). Fantasy becomes too much to contain. He drops his lower hospital garments and reaches for his small stinking cock. Eventually, he finishes the fantasy and lies down his bed. He rolls an extra blanket and wraps it twice around his body, one to hug his chest and one to hug his gut. He cries.
i-li-za-rov (i lē zä ruv) n.
>> The surgery that Vincent undergoes to increase his height in the movie Gattaca. It's named after the Russian doctor who invented it 40 years ago to treat dwarfism. This painful operation adds length by allowing new bone to grow in the gap left by gradually seperating ends of the broken bone. The patient's shinbones are cut in two, a brace is applied and metal pins would pull apart the bones a millimetre each day. Risks include feet permanently turned at odd angles, twisted legs, and weakened bones that break again and again.
>> What I did in June of 2005. I tell people it's either a rock climbing and/or car accident.
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