Thursday, November 17

I Dream


Against the grain
Originally uploaded by .brian.


Last night I had a dream.


It’s morning and everybody’s awake and working. My brother already dressed up for school, my mom talking to someone (probably one of the maids), and the other maid is cleaning around the bedroom.

From the bedroom I undress and go to the bathroom. And when I stand in front of the mirror, holding on to the sink, I feel my feet firmly touch the ground and my legs supporting my whole body. I scream in disbelief. “I’m standing! I’m standing!” I head out to the bedroom and say “Look, everybody, I’m finally standing. Wow, I’m so tall.” They all stare for two reasons: I really am standing and I’m still undressed.

Not that I had anything to hide, after they admired my upright posture and compared how much I’ve grown compared to my brother, I took a few minutes in front of my mirror to admire what has happened to me. I was standing, tall and beautiful. And it wasn’t some foreign unreachable pulchritude that was posing inside the mirror, it was me, all me. I play with new clothes that wouldn’t have fit me before - particularly a forest green zip-up vest that I could wear over my school uniform. Then, I wake up.


What a dream. I believe that in the life that I am meant to live, there is a version of me, one that is patiently waiting for me to turn into him and live. I believe that I’m getting close now to becoming him. There is still a long hard way to go but since that dream, I know that my inner self really believes that I will live the way I want to live. We believe that I can really live. We just know it.

I know, somewhere inside of me. The Me-er Me is smiling back at me now.

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i-li-za-rov (i lē zä ruv) n.

>> The surgery that Vincent undergoes to increase his height in the movie Gattaca. It's named after the Russian doctor who invented it 40 years ago to treat dwarfism. This painful operation adds length by allowing new bone to grow in the gap left by gradually seperating ends of the broken bone. The patient's shinbones are cut in two, a brace is applied and metal pins would pull apart the bones a millimetre each day. Risks include feet permanently turned at odd angles, twisted legs, and weakened bones that break again and again.

>> What I did in June of 2005. I tell people it's either a rock climbing and/or car accident.