With the exception of Monday, this week hasn't been very productive. I've been very lazy and I've been making a lot of excuses. I really can't trust myself for the standards I expect I need to become successful. I am simply too emotional. Even when I'm happy I self sabotage by celebrating too much.
I could easily say that I'm just not motivated enough - and that may be true - but I think it’s mainly because I am not honest with myself. Once again, I have no internal locus of control. I'm not the master of my life, the enemy is. I did pray about it last night but I don't think that God can really help me get my commitment back to gear. I have to make that decision myself and follow through. What God can probably do is help me realize that and point me out to the right direction.
I'm starting to go back to my old habits. Lord, help me.
i-li-za-rov (i lē zä ruv) n.
>> The surgery that Vincent undergoes to increase his height in the movie Gattaca. It's named after the Russian doctor who invented it 40 years ago to treat dwarfism. This painful operation adds length by allowing new bone to grow in the gap left by gradually seperating ends of the broken bone. The patient's shinbones are cut in two, a brace is applied and metal pins would pull apart the bones a millimetre each day. Risks include feet permanently turned at odd angles, twisted legs, and weakened bones that break again and again.
>> What I did in June of 2005. I tell people it's either a rock climbing and/or car accident.
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