hungry at night...
Originally uploaded by RAF [d.form].
Here comes the time where I’m not posting these entries daily. No real emotional breakdowns here, folks. I’m just posting a sexy butt picture and a couple of updates.
A lot has happened since my last post. I’m making myself believe that I’m worth more than I thought I used to. I’m trying to change what I think. I’m not an ugly worthless person. I’m not extremely huge. I’m trustworthy. I’m worth it.
I still have an emotional eating problem but that just gives me something to work on. Right now I’m “dancing” and doing aerobics as much as I can. The whole trance-like phase in my music taste is starting to make a comeback. Right now I’m downloading Sugababes.
I guess I can see the results. Mom did say that I was handsome and that I’m probably at my ideal weight right now. I kind of believe her but I guess that I want to expect more from me. It’s a healthy expectation, I think. I don’t think that it’s being perfectionist.
This Sunday I’m having my casts exchanged for one of those detachable rubber things. I’m so happy. I’m going to be walking soon. Sure it will be with crutches but at least it’s a start.
i-li-za-rov (i lē zä ruv) n.
>> The surgery that Vincent undergoes to increase his height in the movie Gattaca. It's named after the Russian doctor who invented it 40 years ago to treat dwarfism. This painful operation adds length by allowing new bone to grow in the gap left by gradually seperating ends of the broken bone. The patient's shinbones are cut in two, a brace is applied and metal pins would pull apart the bones a millimetre each day. Risks include feet permanently turned at odd angles, twisted legs, and weakened bones that break again and again.
>> What I did in June of 2005. I tell people it's either a rock climbing and/or car accident.
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